[dunewalker]

"Asperger's Syndrome is a Pervasive Developmental Disorder that falls within the autistic spectrum. It is a life-long condition, which affects about 1 in 200 people, more commonly in men than women. Those with Asperger's Syndrome are usually of average or above average intelligence.

The condition is characterised by difficulties with Social Interaction, Social Communication and Flexibility of Thinking or Imagination. In addition, there may be sensory, motor and organisational difficulties.

This condition was first identified over 50 years ago by Hans Asperger, a Viennese paediatrician.

A pattern of behaviours and abilities was identified, predominantly amongst boys, including a lack of empathy, impaired imagination, difficulty in making friends, intense absorption in a special interest and often problems with motor co-ordination.

Whilst people with Asperger's Syndrome will exhibit some or all of these characteristics to a greater or lesser degree, many tend to experience isolation and a lack of understanding in their everyday lives, which often results in frustration, anger, depression and a lack of self-esteem."

http://www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk/what_as.htm

I recently finished reading an excellent book on this subject, called "Look Me In The Eye" by John Elder Robison, who discovered he had this condition at age 40. Looking around my world, I recognize a few friends and colleagues who seem to exhibit symptoms of Asperger's--highly intelligent, yet incapable of interacting socially to an acceptable degree. Does anyone here have more familiarity with this topic?

[Tyler_JC]

Have you heard of an author by the name of Daniel Goleman?

He wrote a few mass media books, most notably "Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" and "Social Intelligence: The New Science of Social Relationships".

He mentions Autism Spectrum Disorders (including Asperger's) as part of a discussion of social intelligence.

Autistic people aren't "stupid", they simply lack the ability to read other people's emotional states. They have difficulty controlling their own emotions and can't understand the connection between their actions and the emotional effect on others.

It's a fascinating subject.

[Eli]

They're called nerds.

It is very common I have met many many people like this highly intelligent but true social retards.

[dissimulo]

Why would you just call them nerds when you can put them into all kinds of categories. It is so much more satisfying to put everything in little boxes, isn't it?

Dunewalker, you should also check schizoid disorder. Similar to Asperger's, but without the non-verbal oddities. I was diagnosed with this when I was a kid, but deep inside, I suspect I am really just a plain vanilla nerd.

[Ludi]

The nerd spectrum is quite broad.

[hubbertspeak7777777]

They just never learned to lie compulsively and put on an act. From my experience that's the only way to get along with people. At a party and can't think of anything to say? Just make up an interesting yet believable story or talk about bs that you could care less about like pro sports. Or rip off a funny joke from an obscure comedian so no one will know that you stole it and all of a sudden you become "funny". I see the "popular" people do it all the time.

Bottom line: If you want to get along with people, never under any circumstances be yourself. People never like you for who you really are, they just like the "phony" you, the act that you put on to impress people.

Parents who tell their children to "be themselves" are just setting them up for social failure.

[Tyler_JC]

I oscillate wildly between "being myself" and naked pandering.

Which means I alternately abuse and smother everyone.

It's a miracle I have as many friends as I do. I guess the trick is to keep it our relations to small doses.

If anyone spends more than a couple days with me in a row...bad things can happen.

Or maybe I'm just losing my mind.

I should seek professional help.

[threadbear]

Autistics would never survive the social rough and tumble of a tribal society. They are truly products of a highly specialized, technological environment. It must be tough to be unable to empathize. To be able to do so allows the non autistic individual to live his own life and others lives, vicariously, in a way. That is a trigger for the imagination, among other things. To those interested, mirror neurons, underactivity of, or lack of, could provide a clue here.

Also, oxytocin, the hormone that facilitates bonding, should be studied, for it's potential as a treatment for autism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_neuron

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin

[Tyler_JC]

Shanny,

I always fall apart at night and then piece myself together on the train into work each morning. Somehow, I manage to keep it together for long enough to convince myself and everyone around me that everything's alright.

So for now I can stay out of the loony bin.

Threadbear,

Oxytocin is the love hormone when it's naturally produced in the brain. But it has a half life of about 3-4 minutes. So unless they can come up with a medication that encourages more natural production of the chemical, it's not going to be a useful treatment.

I suggest you check out those books I mentioned earlier "Social Intelligence" and "Emotional Intelligence", Goleman does a great job of explaining complex neurological reactions in simple terms.

[Ludi]

Tyler, you might have borderline personality disorder, a very scary and miserable developmental disorder. I had several of the symptoms so spent some time on a BP messageboard and got to know some folks with the disorder. My symptoms were from bipolar disorder. Lots of these disorders share symptoms. If you're struggling through life, it's really worth it to see a physician to get referred to a psychiatrist. I spent many years totally miserable because I avoided seeing a doctor about my problems. Seriously, it is worth it to see a doctor.

[mos6507]

I spent many years totally miserable because I avoided seeing a doctor about my problems. Seriously, it is worth it to see a doctor.

They did a pretty good job. You're one of the most level-headed people here, at least you write that way. That takes some doing considering we're all having to drag ourselves through life day to day knowing what we know.

[Tyler_JC]

Tyler, you might have borderline personality disorder, a very scary and miserable developmental disorder. I had several of the symptoms so spent some time on a BP messageboard and got to know some folks with the disorder. My symptoms were from bipolar disorder. Lots of these disorders share symptoms. If you're struggling through life, it's really worth it to see a physician to get referred to a psychiatrist. I spent many years totally miserable because I avoided seeing a doctor about my problems. Seriously, it is worth it to see a doctor.

I should clarify.

By "smother", I meant shower with attention...not attempt to suffocate.

And by "abuse", I meant ignore or avoid...not physically assault.

[And I think I'm going to see a therapist in the fall, just to go over a few things. My friends are getting tired of playing therapist on AOL instant messanger.]

[Ludi]

You're one of the most level-headed people here, at least you write that way.

Thanks, but I freak out on here on a regular basis - you must have just missed those posts!

I think I've been very lucky in getting good treatment from doctors and reasonable help from medications. I actually don't have a psychiatrist currently - my GP took over that job, as she has several bipolar patients.

[Ludi]

[And I think I'm going to see a therapist in the fall, just to go over a few things. My friends are getting tired of playing therapist on AOL instant messanger.]

I'm glad. Just remember a therapist isn't (usually) a physician, and (usually) not qualified to diagnose or treat neurochemical disorders, though various kinds of therapy can help some people a lot.

[treetpflyer]

I just repeat to myself "Tack is for people who are not witty enough for sarcasim." And then realize that 90% of the people I encounter are idiots. So speak slowly and try really really hard not to be sarcastic, Cuz I get tired of expaining myself over and over again. It works for me at least!

[Byron100]

They just never learned to lie compulsively and put on an act. From my experience that's the only way to get along with people. At a party and can't think of anything to say? Just make up an interesting yet believable story or talk about bs that you could care less about like pro sports. Or rip off a funny joke from an obscure comedian so no one will know that you stole it and all of a sudden you become "funny". I see the "popular" people do it all the time.

Bottom line: If you want to get along with people, never under any circumstances be yourself. People never like you for who you really are, they just like the "phony" you, the act that you put on to impress people.

Parents who tell their children to "be themselves" are just setting them up for social failure.

No frickin' way, man. You gotta be yourself, otherwise what's the point in being "you"?

I totally suck at lying, so I just say what comes to mind, or more often, start by asking questions. I know at least a little about a lot of things, so it's not that hard. I do have a sense of humor, but it's rather subtle, so people have to "work" at getting it...hehe. Since I am heard of hearing, noisy social gatherings can be difficult, but when I get a chance to talk face-to-face with someone, it usually results in a good outcome, whatever the topic may be.

By the way, I do tend to be friends with people that have Asperger's...to me, it's just a matter of "honing in" on their interests, as well as not being insulted by the lack of eye contact, long silences, etc. All that stuff is highly overrated anyhow, IMO. As for people that make stuff up, it won't go very far with me. While these people can be a lot of fun, it's rather disconcerting to see someone "putting on an act"...to me, it's very obvious when they do that.

Dunno, maybe I'm an oddball...LOL.

[hubbertspeak7777777]

They just never learned to lie compulsively and put on an act. From my experience that's the only way to get along with people. At a party and can't think of anything to say? Just make up an interesting yet believable story or talk about bs that you could care less about like pro sports. Or rip off a funny joke from an obscure comedian so no one will know that you stole it and all of a sudden you become "funny". I see the "popular" people do it all the time.

Bottom line: If you want to get along with people, never under any circumstances be yourself. People never like you for who you really are, they just like the "phony" you, the act that you put on to impress people.

Parents who tell their children to "be themselves" are just setting them up for social failure.

No frickin' way, man. You gotta be yourself, otherwise what's the point in being "you"?

I totally suck at lying, so I just say what comes to mind, or more often, start by asking questions. I know at least a little about a lot of things, so it's not that hard. I do have a sense of humor, but it's rather subtle, so people have to "work" at getting it...hehe. Since I am heard of hearing, noisy social gatherings can be difficult, but when I get a chance to talk face-to-face with someone, it usually results in a good outcome, whatever the topic may be.

By the way, I do tend to be friends with people that have Asperger's...to me, it's just a matter of "honing in" on their interests, as well as not being insulted by the lack of eye contact, long silences, etc. All that stuff is highly overrated anyhow, IMO. As for people that make stuff up, it won't go very far with me. While these people can be a lot of fun, it's rather disconcerting to see someone "putting on an act"...to me, it's very obvious when they do that.

Dunno, maybe I'm an oddball...LOL.

Maybe you're an exception to the rule, because most people are bullshitters. Or maybe you don't realize you're doing it. I think a lot of people do it sub-consciously. They learned to do it at a young age and it's become a habit. A habit that makes social success a lot easier.

[mos6507]

I just repeat to myself "Tack is for people who are not witty enough for sarcasim." And then realize that 90% of the people I encounter are idiots. So speak slowly and try really really hard not to be sarcastic, Cuz I get tired of expaining myself over and over again. It works for me at least!

I think you mean tact.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tact

And not this:

[bodigami]

(...)

No frickin' way, man. You gotta be yourself, otherwise what's the point in being "you"?

I totally suck at lying, so I just say what comes to mind, or more often, start by asking questions. I know at least a little about a lot of things, so it's not that hard. I do have a sense of humor, but it's rather subtle, so people have to "work" at getting it...hehe. Since I am heard of hearing, noisy social gatherings can be difficult, but when I get a chance to talk face-to-face with someone, it usually results in a good outcome, whatever the topic may be.

By the way, I do tend to be friends with people that have Asperger's...to me, it's just a matter of "honing in" on their interests, as well as not being insulted by the lack of eye contact, long silences, etc. All that stuff is highly overrated anyhow, IMO. As for people that make stuff up, it won't go very far with me. While these people can be a lot of fun, it's rather disconcerting to see someone "putting on an act"...to me, it's very obvious when they do that.

Dunno, maybe I'm an oddball...LOL.

Maybe you're an exception to the rule, because most people are bullshitters. Or maybe you don't realize you're doing it. I think a lot of people do it sub-consciously. They learned to do it at a young age and it's become a habit. A habit that makes social success a lot easier.

Then I'm another exception. Never learned how to lie, and was never a fan nor practioner of bullshitering. It's too obvious and pathetic. Actualy, with social interactions what was tougher was to realise that yes, most people (including me in the past) are so ignorant and misguided. It shouldn't be that way, but it is. Human's world is crap, it's a reality. It can change, but it hasn't changed yet.

[cestlavie]

Then I'm another exception. Never learned how to lie, and was never a fan nor practioner of bullshitering. It's too obvious and pathetic. Actualy, with social interactions what was tougher was to realise that yes, most people (including me in the past) are so ignorant and misguided. It shouldn't be that way, but it is. Human's world is crap, it's a reality. It can change, but it hasn't changed yet.

Same here. Count me in. I agree with all you said, I agree

However, we are who are are. We create the computers and software now running our civilization and we create the computers that will be running and guiding missiles in the next war. I am reminded of the movie "War Games". The kid had to teach tic-tac-toe to the computer. No one wins. The computer didnt get it (couldnt see the big picture, just wanted to play the specific game and win). We are the same way, our civilization, all of us. Cant see the big picture. We just want to win.

The most important thing is not who you are (lacking socially in some way?) but can you see the big picture? People are way too connected emotionally to our world. In a sense the emotions prevent them from detaching from their emotions which is needed to look at things from differing (emotional) perspectives. I dont even need emotions to look and analyze but they are helpful. Its beautiful to see things. Its tough to look out and see our world, the state its in. I encourage everyone to listen to good music, to enjoy life while its here...