THE Humor Thread (merged)

crossthread · **Joined:** Sun Jun 20, 2004 12:00 am **Posts:** 180

Hey!!! The 2005 Hurricane season isn't over YET! Lotsa time left for the 3rd ball .....
:twisted:

Pfish · **Posted:** Thu Sep 22, 2005 9:37 am

Aliens!! And the gas pump.
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed
for the night.

They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it
laying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at
the lack of response and the older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were
you"

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again,
there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's
haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings,
Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your
leader or I will fire!"

The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to do that! I
don't think you should make him mad." "Rubbish," replied the cocky, young
alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge
explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger
alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, crumpling mess about 200
yards away in a cactus patch.

About a half hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he
refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna and looked
dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big
green head. "What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien.
"He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend
and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic
travels, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then
stick it in his ear, you don't want to mess with him!"

stu · **Posted:** Thu Sep 22, 2005 9:40 am

crossthread wrote:

Hey!!! The 2005 Hurricane season isn't over YET! Lotsa time left for the 3rd ball .....
:twisted:

Must be the tenth frame then. One strike on the score card, another this weekend and a few weeks left to claim the turkey. :-D

MD · **Posted:** Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:03 am

I haven't seen candlepin lanes since I was a kid. I bet most people don't even know about candlepins. Same ten pins but tall and skinny, about a 5 inch diameter ball with no finger holes that weighs about three pounds
you practically throw the thing down the lane.

deconstructionist · **Posted:** Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:16 am

in new england, it's mostly candlepin... i think i'll bike down to the canldepin bowling lanes in peabody and suggest that they replace the pins with small models of oil refineries.

sklump · **Posted:** Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:40 am

In Canada, it's 5-pin mostly, though some cities have US-style 10-pin.

In Quebec, they play "duckpin": 10 pins, but a 5-pin ball.

"The more you know" :oops:

RonMN · **Posted:** Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:42 pm

medicvet · **Posted:** Fri Sep 23, 2005 2:43 am

Okay, maybe no one else thot it was funny..but good lord knows that I needed a laugh, and it gave me one!!!

:lol:

Bedevere · **Posted:** Fri Sep 23, 2005 5:08 am

LOL

Aaron · **Posted:** Tue Oct 11, 2005 8:17 am

Because humor is based on human suffering, depletion is poised to usher in an era of unparalleled levity.

Making hard-core Doomers the "Comic-Philosophers" of the future, paradoxically.

So if I'm destined to suffer the consequences of of our hydrocarbon folly, then I'm determined not to miss the inherent humor along the way.

So... what's funny to you?

Quote:

A man sitting next to a beautiful blonde on a plane looked over to see her seemingly in shock from the headline in the newspaper she was holding, which read "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed in Riots."

She turned toward him and with trembling voice asked "How many is a brazilian?"

PrairieMule · **Posted:** Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:04 am

Irishman with a bad back walks into a bar and sees Jesus at the other end, "Barkeep would that be the Holy son of Joseph and Mary?"-Yes"Fix em up with a pint" Jesus nod and drinks the pint.

Austrailian with a bad knee walks into the bar and asks "Ey mate fix jesus up with a Lager" Jesus nod and drinks

Redneck walks in"Hey is that God's boy over there, fix him with a shot of wild Turkey"Jesus nod and drinks.

Jesus stands up, heals the Irishman's back then heals the Austrailian's knee. Before he can get to the redneck the redneck Shouts:

Jesus Christ don't touch me I 'm on Disability!!!"

turmoil · **Posted:** Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:25 am

Here's the one I posted the other day.

Quote:

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage
here in America.
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our oil is located in: Alaska, California, Oklahoma and Texas
~~~~
~~~~
~~~~
Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC !

Typhoon · **Joined:** Tue Sep 27, 2005 12:00 am **Posts:** 176

JibJab cartoons are funny, and the latest one just came out. Go to JibJab's homepage and click on "Big Box Mart". Wait a little bit before playing it, or else it will stop in the middle because the whole video has to load.

fossil_fuel · **Joined:** Mon Jan 03, 2005 1:00 am **Posts:** 400

brilliant, as is the usual from jibjab.

TITAN · **Posted:** Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:50 am

http://www.climatemash.org/

I didn't listen to it, but obviously it's based on the monster mash song. If you like our current administration, you will hate this...

THE Humor Thread (merged)

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