Plenty of options to paying for gasoline

The Citizen, Auburn NY
By Paul N. Luziani

As everyone knows, the price of gasoline has gone from laughable to ridiculous and will soon whiz by outrageous.

Big Oil executives, however, need not worry about pricing themselves out of existence any time soon. Where else would we go? Where’s the competition?

But the use of this Mideast liquid gold is pretty much a choice in America.

How so?

Well, read on, Auburn.
I’ve made a “Why ______ is better than gasoline” list. Maybe this will convince everyone to throw off the fossil fuel tether – or at least laugh about it.

• The horse. “Hayburners” provide the rider with not only a gasoline-less, albeit slow, means of transportation, but a faithful companion. A horse would also be a ready source of garden fertilizer that could be shared with (or sold to) neighbors. How much affection and manure has your automobile given you lately? Horses also come with no company logo riveted to their bodies leaving the owner to use his or her imagination in christening the animal. (E.g.; Flicka, Trigger, Silver, etc. Has anyone ever seen a Ford Mr. Ed at the showroom?)

• Human locomotion. The oldest – and cheapest – mode of transportation. No insurance, no speeding or parking tickets, and certainly no gasoline. Fuel, however, although not the petrol variety, is still a requirement. Big Macs, filled donuts, pizza and wings are among the premium grades.

• The bicycle. Slow but good exercise. A squirt or two of chain lube is the only foreign oil required. Embarrass your children and make your cardiologist proud. A matching pair of bikes and riding clothes would add some pizzazz to your marriage.

•The lawn tractor. Yes, a lawn tractor uses gasoline but, on your way to the gas station, you can get your money back – and perhaps make a small profit – by mowing lawns along your route. Service at drive-through fast food and ATM’s may prove to be a tad difficult, however.

So, Auburn, throw off the Big Oil yoke and get back to transportation a la the preindustrial age.

Take that money you’d be pumping into your gas tank and pump it into a nice vacation. Cape Cod can’t be more than a five-day horseback – or lawn mower ride.

Or, we could simply fire all those Big Oil politicians.

Now, there’s a sensible concept. Not a likely one, but a concept nevertheless.

I think we’re happier complaining about it.